Disclaimer: I am quite frustrated and I will not apologize for the attitude that may spew forth from my frustration.
You might be thinking...oh, she's struggling with Emma. You, my friend, would be WRONG.
Yes, it is my oldest, my five year old, my daughter who should be utterly MORTIFIED by having an accident, that I am struggling with. Here's the history....
When Maggie was 2 she showed some interest and thus we started trying here and there letting her experiment with using the potty...we moved and quit all progress/interest. Our new home area was full of wonderful mothers and it was a bit intimidating. All I was hearing was "Oh, she's a girl. She'll be easy and I'm sure she'll be trained by 2 1/2, and my daughter was trained in 3 days and no accidents" Yeah, no pressure. So, I kept trying here and there and the girl has the stubborn level of a dozen mules. Around 3 years we really started working hard at this since I was then pregnant with Emma and wasn't excited about 2 in diapers. Well Emma came around and Maggie totally rebelled and I fell apart and it was ugly...We moved again. So then we approach her 4th birthday and she's FINALLY got it figured out. Minus one very important detail: Anticipating the need or trying to "empty the tank" (as I call it) as a convenience precaution to activities you may not want to stop in the middle of to go to the bathroom such as, ballet, grocery shopping, preschool, playing with friends, mealtimes etc.
Today at the age of 5: The girl will wait until there is absolutely NO possibility of being able to move even an inch in the direction of the bathroom. She waits until the point of no return. I suppose I might expect this from a child who hasn't been practicing very long, but we are going on 2 1/2 years here. Really...enough already.
In case you are ready to jump in and judge (I love you all, but I know a few of you are already at that point) these are some of the strategies we've already tried. (Also, we are not talking an accident every month or two, we are talking at least a couple times a week to multiple times a day)
1. One week without accidents and we will all go to Blast Off. (After 3 months of trying we gave up)
2. Rewarding each successful potty with 5 min of PBS Kids games online. Could be used immediately or saved until the end of the day to play in bulk. (Worked for almost a week)
3. Yelling (doesn't work)
4. Spanking (doesn't work)
5. Talking about embarrassment associated with wetting your pants in front of friends, adults, etc. (Doesn't even faze her)
6. Bribery of candy, toys, etc. (nothing)
7. Threatening her that she can't go to school next year if she's still having accidents (she really wants to go to school) (Still, doesn't mean enough to her)
8. Recently, I've been having my phone "ding" at various times during the day as a reminder to go "TRY" to go potty. (That was also O.K. for a limited amount of time and now once again she's back to "I don't feel like I have to go" as she crosses her legs and sits on the ground, refuses to try and has a "little" accident.)
9. I have tried resorting to pull-ups when she has accidents. (short lived)
10. I have tried totally ignoring the issue and having her in charge of clean up, but haven't seen any improvement with this.
I'm sure there's more. I feel awful as a Mom, seriously what Mom can't get her 5 YEAR OLD to stop having accidents. Well, this Mom apparently. I am SOOO at the end of my rope with her. I wouldn't mind so much if she wasn't amid the verbal development of attitude. UGH!
Oh this story will not be published in the Blurb book, but this next story may help you understand why I am so very frustrated at this point. This Tuesday and friend of mine and her husband watched the girls for me. They all had a great time. Said friend's husband, was giving horsie rides at the end of the night and apparently once again Maggie failed to "anticipate" and peed on his shirt. Granted, it was not soaking, but was indeed moistened. Of course, she totally denies it amid 3 adult witnesses. By the way, she has written an apology to him. Do you think the embarrassment of that situation would make her very aware? If you said "yes", once again you would be WRONG. She failed to make it to the bathroom in time again tonight.
What am I suppose to do? I mean, really?
13 comments:
Diane,
Man I feel for you but also know your pain - maybe its and oldest child thing...who knows! My oldest also holds it until he is dancing like crazy! Its so annoying...its so hard not to just think - "how is it possible you cannot figure this out". We are excited to see them and will have the puppies here so if any accident does happen we can just blame it on them. I think other moms exagerate how early and how well (this one for sure) their kids have done - ALL kids have accidents and very determined ones do "what they want". We did the dollar store items to get Conner into the bathroom... for a couple M & M's (he loves them) he just had to sit on the toilet till I counted to 10...if he peed he could have a little dollar store item (usually one of a pack) and if he did 1 and 2 he could have a dollar item. So see we all have our bribs... Caleb has experienced (get ready to call DCFS) the garden hose if he had an accident - he hated it but I didn't know what else to do..Good luck! She will do it - and then you can look back and sigh and move on to the next :) See you soon!! We are all so excited!! Call me and we can go do some fun stuff with the kids while you are around here - Have you done Kangaroo zoo??
Love, Corina
Frosty has the same problem. Some of the girls it was so easy.... Cookie Monster, Sir Talks A Lot and Frosty NOT at all. This sounds oh so familiar. STA was 4 1/2 or 5 and I was so frustrated. CM was on and off every other weekend for 2 to 3 years. That may have been more someone else telling her she was too young to go potty and making her wear diapers and sleep in a playpen to make life more difficult for me. It worked. She was 4 when she finally quit. Frosty, doesn't care! He potties every so often but at 3 1/2, I know he is fully capable and has proved it betimes. Just is stubborn as a mule. So no judgments here. I understand your pain. Don't know what to do about it as it appears to be a control issue, at least in our case. I feel for you though!!! Wish us luck too, we are in the same boat.
Ok, if you get any good ideas that actually work will you send them my way? Ian and I have had the bathroom standoff daily for a year and a half.
Oh and I'm dying to know who the "wonderful" mothers were with super easy kids to potty train. I'll take Ian to their house.
Ok I just read my post and realized I should clarify... as for the garden hose... I didn't want the "mess" in my house so he would get washed off outside. Anyways! :)
You know someone should open a potty training boot camp! I am pretty sure mothers all over the world would gladly fork out a million dollars to send their children! Sign me up!
Yeah, I had a friend ask if she knew anyone that out-sourced for potty training. It is the outer darkness of parenthood in my opinion. (Thus far anyway) I totally know what you mean about preasure too. (my spelling skills are depleating, can you tell?) anywho, easier said than done, she'll get it some day. I had a problem with wetting my pants in grade school when I was little. I don't know why, I have just always hated to go to the bathroom. It's just stopping to take the time, it drives me nuts! I hate stopping to do anything, especially using the bathroom. Maybe I could blame it on 2 years of having to use an out-house, but I think I'd be this way regardless. It's just her "thing". Each child has a "thing" they just don't want to try at. Madelyn (who is nearly 4) would pee her pants at my friends house at least once a week. It has been a couple of weeks now, but I was about to lose it there for a while. She would never do it at home, just when we were at my friends house. Anyways, sorry to leave you a novel, but she'll get it. And just wanted to let you know I understand and I don't think anyone's judging you. If they are, they haven't had kids yet! Those of us who've been parents completely understand.
Maybe it isn't a power thing. Maybe there is a medical reason. Ask your Doc, and if they say she is fine, then put her in a diaper and let her sit in it! Oh and pray, pray a lot!
Oh, Dianne, I gotta say, I'm sorry you're having a hard time, but It's nice to hear we're not the only ones who went through this. Andrew potty trained at a "normal" (whatever that means) time, but continued to have accidents for years. Big ones (i.e. change your pants, clean the floor) til he was 3 1/2 and "little" (i.e. yellow moist spots on his undies) ones, well, he's nearly nine now, and it hasn't been more than a year at most.) He just doesn't want to interrupt what he's doing. As he's been getting older, I've just let him stay in his "moistened" underwear, and one time he got a bit of a rash, so I think that's what finally convinced him it wasn't worth it to wait so long.
Anyway, good luck (and thanks for helping the rest of us feel a little better that we're not the only ones)!
Nothing in the way of suggestions. In fact, I have been completely avoiding the whole potty training thing. Is that bad? Mali is 2 1/2 and has no desire to use the potty, so I'm just avoiding it. "They" keep telling me to wait until she's interested. Hope it's true. Hope all is going well with PC. Wish you could come here for Thanksgiving. Hopefully I can call you soon. Play practice keeps me pretty busy but we should talk. Miss you.
Dianne I'm with Brittney it could be a medical thing. I can't remember the exact age Eddie Ray finally quit having accidents. But I know there was such a long time in there after he showed he could do it, then he just didn't. You're right it is the most frustrating thing. Best of Luck with it though.
Oh that makes me laugh and cry for you, I agree with Misty potty training is parental outer darkness. A guy I used to date; you can probably guess who had accidents at night until he as 17! he said he was a little afraid of waking up less than dry if we ever married, that at least I was warned. any way you are an amazing Mother remember what my mom says "and it came to pass not to stay" hope it passes sooner rather than later!?
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