So ..most of you know Maggie. She is fun, full of energy and loves to love others. She is GREAT about trying to include everyone. And doesn't understand when others don't do the same. She enjoys meeting new people and isn't shy at all. She loves everyone she meets. Those of you who know her, know this to be so true. She is creative, imaginative and is good at finding ways to play on her own. She can make me laugh like nobody's business and her laugh is HILARIOUS...it's infectious. She sings to her own tune most of the time and quite loudly, too. She can just be so much fun.
Yet, the girl has this independence and determination about her that gets her trouble a lot. Here's one example from the Enrichment Mtg we had tonight. (For those of you who don't know, I'm the counselor in R.S. that is over Enrichment. Thus, I was needed to help set up, conduct and clean up). Before we left we talked about how important it is for her to stay INSIDE the church until we were all done, then we would go outside and get into the van together. That way we could all be safe. So of course, as I'm trying to get things put away, I look around and she's missing. Guess where she was...outside trying to get in the van, which was locked. Round 2 of talking about making poor choices and staying inside, blah, blah... 2 minutes later the girl is running around outside again!! Mind you, she was by herself. So, it's not like there where other kids who could tell me if she'd just been kidnapped. Her consequence: No stories before bed tonight. But, I don't know if it will help, because there is always a situation similar to this happening. Whether it be going outside when she isn't allowed, arguing about EVERYTHING, disruptive, etc, etc...
These are my questions: Is this just to be expected from her age, 4? Am I just going to have to repeat myself, time and time and time again for the next 18 years? Does anyone else get so frustrated they just want to scream? Am I just too hard on her?
I'm needing some real, useful, practical advice from anyone who's been there, done that.
6 comments:
I haven't been there, or done that, I am there, doing it. So I don't know. I'll think on it, and see if I come up with any profoundly wonderful advice. But I do want to scream most days.
I think it's a mix of personality and her age. Kylan is the same way, he loves to help out, when it's convenient for him :) I just have to keep repeating myself, over and over and over again. Who knows when they'll figure it out. Sorry I don't have any helpful advice for you.
That is a tough one one of my general rules of thumb when it comes to picking and choosing my battles is that I always make a stand if it's something that could be dangerous, and I try to say yes as mush as I possibly can so that when I do say no to something they know that I both really mean it and that I likely have a good reason for saying it. The Idea comes from Sister Hinkley I'll send the quote if i can find it.
As for the running outside I think your were right to make a stand that can be dangerous, the problem is how to change the way that Maggie feels about it, it clearly does not seem dangerous to her.
I heard this one from a love and logic seminar a mother was having a difficult time with a child that was always wondering off. So she planned a trip the store with her neighbor, they arrived seporately, and the neighbor was careful not to be seen by the child while keeping an eye on him the whole time. When the child ingnored the mothers counsel to say with them, she walked off. knowing that the child was being watched by the neighbor the mother got completely out of sight. Know it was the child's turn to feel frightened. After allowing some time for the child to actually feel upset and look for his mother the neighbor approached the child and asked if he needed help finding his mother (I believe the mother told the child is you won't stay with us then we'll have to leave without you)Have the neighbor take the child home so they really believe that they can be left if they do not stay with you. The Idea is that when the child feels differently about it they will behave differently. When the neighbor brings the child home you might casually say that you're sorry you had to leave them but you did let them this could happen and wasn't it lucky that your neighbor was there I wonder what you would have done if she hadn't come along.
Any way thanks for letting me ramble, You're a terrific Mom your girls are so blessed.
Well, I've been there, done that twice, working on my third (though she's hit it a bit early). While each child has their own personality, and thus their own way of expressing independence, they all go through it at several points through-out childhood. The best thing I can tell you is that you know your child best, and know what consequence will be most likely to effect the change you are looking for.
With that in mind, never give a consequence with which you do not feel comfortable, do your best to let them experience the natural consequences of their actions (ie, if they don't pick up quickly enough in the evening, they may lose story time, not because you take it away, but because story time is at 7 pm, and they didn't finish til 7:30), and when this is not possible, (you obviously don't want to let her get kidnapped because she wandered off), do your best to make the consequences as logical as possible.
Yes, you will be repeating yourself over and over until they "get it", but when I get frustrated (pretty near every day)I try to remember that we are not so very different. How many times do we need to learn the same principles of charity, FHE, prayer, scripture study, tithing, or whatever, before we practice them perfectly?
And no, I don't thing you are being to hard on her. If you never expect anything from her, you won't ever be disappointed, but you also won't see her grow to her full potential.
Give yourself a break (figuratively and literally, You're doing a great job and as long as you are putting forth your best effort, the Lord will continue to bless and inspire you as you enter each new phase of your children's development.
I have no words of wisdom concerning this parenting dilemma, since Mali is just starting the fun. But I do know that you are a great mom and that I miss you.
I also have no pearls of wisdom for you. My answer for keeping my child indoors when I want him to be and running away to the park by himself ever again, is to spend a lot of money on new exterior and storm doors that have locks on them that I am just sure that I won't be able to figure them out but he will!!
I have talked with him over and over again that someone could take him and I wouldn't be his mommy anymore. He wouldn't see mommy, daddy, or Nora ever again. It seem to affect him for about 15 min. Then he is trying to escape again.
I have nothing for you except compassion. Love ya!
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